ive been thinking about adam parrish (as per usual and no one is surprised), in particular the ‘what do you want adam? to feel awake when my eyes are open’ and thinking about the times in the books he seems the most alive and awake instead of weighed down and unhappy and tired and they’re almost always when he’s with ronan. he’s not going through the motions, he isn’t sleepwalking through the day, he’s being flung around, either on a dolly or in a shopping cart, he’s being scabbed up, he’s throwing things into a fire. he’s joyful and he’s wild and he’s free in a way he often isn’t, especially as compared to times he’s with gansey or blue and he’s tense or on edge and he’s squashing down the parts of himself he mostly shares with just ronan. even when the two of them are bickering adam is sharp and alert. ronan’s swearing, his angry song of curse words, are so alive to adam he thinks about how they are like poetry. school and work and responsibility and grief sit so heavily on his shoulders, bogging him down and making him feel like he’s not really awake. he isn’t really living his life, he’s alseep, but when he’s with ronan he can put all those things down and he comes to life. he can relax and forget all those responsibilities. a lot of adam’s chapters or interactions with ronan are the ones that are most memorable because adam is so present and almost electric on the page in them and they bring out this side of him that he doesn’t often let out. like when he makes cabeswater play ronan’s terrible techno music, which is just so playful and spontaneous instead of careful and planned. even his much warranted anger is only really something he’s allowed to have ronan. with everyone else he has to justify it, again he’s sleepwalking through the motions, but with ronan he can say you’re an asshole and he’s allowed to just feel that. its interesting too that when they do kiss adam likens it to letting a storm soak him. and what does anyone feel when they stand in the rain and let it soak them? they feel alive. they feel awake. this whole damn time ronan was making adam feel awake when his eyes were open.
iknowwhoyouaredamianos